This topic has been pressing hard on my heart for a while now, but I never took the time to write. It has become apparent to me that I have failed. That many of us ladies have failed. Loving a man, is actually quite simple. Since last fall, I've learned a lot about gentlemen that never really dawned on me before now. I made a commitment to myself that upon joining the single world I would not be out seeking love, or a man, for that matter. I believe that love finds us, but that's another post, and neither here nor there. I had many friendzoned gentleman tell me things like "with you I can just be myself" and I admittedly sort of blew it off... and secretly rolled my eyes... "oh, another line I've heard before" was my only thought. I failed to learn from it, a huge lesson in life. In fact, when love found me I put some things out there about my standards hoping would be a "love repellent" of sorts. Needless to say, that was a fail, and I'm so glad it was. Turns out, true gentleman, and at the core, all guys, really, just need us lady people to give them "home". Not necessarily a physical place. But a place where they can strip down their many facades and be comfortable. Throw out role fatigue, and not have to try to impress anyone. They need to be able to bear their deep stuff and know that it stays with us, that it's safe, that we're not going anywhere. (...And if you are anyone of my past that found this, your "stuff" is still that, safe. Regardless of whatever became of "us".) That part wasn't that hard for me to digest, because I appreciate and desire respect, and would want to give anyone that ever had that place in my life, no less. Rather the rest of the world agrees or not, they deserve that.
But- there's a part of me that failed this. I blew it. Many times over. Got this very wrong. In being their safe place- we also need to bring that warmth, that peace, and create that inviting place to be, an enjoyable place to crash into come whatever what may. For Pete's sake, spoil him. Never give this up. He isn't always going to "earn it", and you know what?? NEITHER will you. SO, if he's hungry? FEED him. Clothes dirty? WASH them. Had a long day? RUB his back/neck and give him love and affection. He's stressed? DON'T PRY, NO NAGGING. PRAY for him. There's NOTHING wrong with "spoiling" your man. Lay down your insignificant wants to meet his NEEDS. Do it all with joy. Knowing that being able to care for a good man, is a privilege and honor, not a chore. Not something to take for granted. You could easily be alone, on your own. You don't own him, or his place in your life. He shouldn't have to tell you what he needs, we should be aware. Our job is to give him a peaceful, happy, soft, warm, & cozy place to land at the end of the day. Be silly. Laugh. But, most of all LOVE, BE present. Not preoccupied. Not on your phone. Not constantly busy, busy, busy. Not snarky, not short and snappy, not cold. Forget that hard to get, snarky, hard hearted crap the world tells us the good guys want these days. Give heart. The good ones still want it, and the others need it. Flirt for fun. Find out what makes him secure, what makes him happy, and commit to giving that every chance you get. Support him, regardless if you're "feeling it," or you think he "earned it". Create that non critical, non judgemental, to-do list free, safe zone. That's what he really needs. The world presses harshly on him all the time. He simply needs to know he doesn't have to be perfect, and you're still going to be there to listen to, laugh with, and love him, regardless.
