A new perspective and a game of scrabble....

I ABSOLUTELY love Whitney, Ryan, and Nate. There presence touches my life in such a way that just can't really be described. Whitney is my female soul mate, the one that hears it all, and love me in my all. Ryan completely pulls me out of my shoes and into someone elses, and yet builds my spirit all in the same moment. Nate well, provides deep and meaningful conversation about topics previously believed to be nonmeaningfull or purpose less. They manage to be the healthy medicene you need in life just to take the edge off, and this can be absorbed simply by being together.

I'm struggling with a few issues with other people deeply. But Ryan provided that new perspective. And that's still in progress...

I'm praying I'm good enough for this new job. Praying I can give my all, and that all exceeds expectations.

Praying i make the grades. A & P's a struggle, and so is other obligations to be that "role model".

What am I doing??

I dont know what's going on with me. I'm scared. I'm hurting. I've haven't scared myself this bad for almost 5 years. I feel like they are against me, I've set out to please them all. And instead I've pleased none of them, and certainly not myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even know what happiness is. I wish I had that person to turn to, that understands, and doesn't judge me. I feel so lied to. They make me feel like I'm not worth it. If I'd known what I do now I don't know if I would have done it all again. I'm struggling not to settle. But, everyone else's happeness comes before me, and it seems like no ones happy. I never knew it was too much to ask. Its about people being there to support us, to publically proclaim our love and promises for each other. It's not about just letting everyone have a party. Is it so bad to celebrate US for 1 day of our lives? Is that so bad?