I @#$%&! hate this life. My life. Only a tunnel of darkness looms. Nothing can get better it seems. I've lost my light and my dreams. All of the things that gave me life have seemed to fade into the darkness. Hope is hiding. How do I go on from here? I feel like my life is constant sacrifice... And to move anywhere but here requires even more. Where did I go so wrong to deserve a life so bleek so full of empty? Empty promises...dreams...goals...compliments...intentions..prayers...

Dear you, Tonight my heart hurts. So deeply. I'm wondering if yours does too. I wish I knew what the future looked like. I wish I knew it could be better than this. A day where dreams are not just dreams. Where they have life breathed into them again. The day when I don't have guard every word and action while walking on egg shells. I want to love with all that I've had stored up. I want to create and give life to something incredibly precious and grow closer to Jesus everyday in that process. I want to live out my life speaking LOVE so loudly that our little never has to question if they were wanted. That they will go to sleep and wake up every day of their life knowing that they were fought for, wanted, desired, prayed for, longed for, and loved ever before they were created. That they will know Jesus wants to love them even more than we ever could- and that's a whole bunch! I see maternity outfits and get butterflies thinking of the day I can fit into one. I hope that brings you more joy than fear. i hope i'm enough. I hope we laugh forever and fall more in love through the crazy processes of life. I hope I never become less than you desire, and that when we're old and have seen a couple generations through, that you will still hold my hand and our eyes will still speak things of the heart that the mouth simply can't. I hope you know I pray for you and will every single day for the rest of our lives. I HE gives us both the purity and the patience to wait out this storm, and when the time is perfect in {His will} that we can discover each other completely and know without a shadow of doubt. ...And then life truly begins. Love, bRose